#3 I Need to Choose Me in Order to Love You

This is for the postpartum mom trying to hold everyone together. For the caregiver who has quietly carried too much for too long. For the person being guilt-tripped by people who are supposed to be part of their support system. Or simply for anyone moving through a season that feels a little heavier than usual.

( ´͈ ᗜ `͈ )♡ Before we start, I want you to know that:

It's okay to choose yourself first.

—————

Have you ever boarded a plane and heard the flight attendant say, “In the event of an emergency, please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.”

There is a reason they say it every single time.

I’ve seen so many people spend years putting everyone before themselves. Their children first. Their partner first. Their parents first. Work first. Responsibilities first. Then slowly, somewhere along the way, they lost themselves. Their identity. Their purpose. In TCM, we often say that the body is always communicating with us. It is constantly trying to maintain balance and harmony. Long before symptoms show up on paper, the body usually sends little messages first.

The body will first whisper, then nudge, then start shouting. These result in what we see clinically:

Exhaustion. Brain fog. Anxiety. Irritability. Vulnerability…

And often we keep pushing anyway, convincing ourselves:

“Just one more thing.”
“Just one more person.”
“I’ll rest after this.”

Until “after this” somehow never arrives.

Sounds familiar?

Choosing yourself first isn’t selfish. 👈🏾 Read that again

And here, by ‘choosing yourself first’, we are not talking about the social media version of fancy girlie self love. Not buying yourself flowers, posting an aesthetic story on Instagram and calling it healing, while quietly feeling disconnected again the moment the camera turns off.

I mean → TRULY. RESPECTING. YOURSELF.

Respecting your body when it’s asking for rest. Respecting your time, your limits, and your own needs with the same kindness you give so freely to everyone else. When we constantly pour from an empty cup, eventually the body begins to feel depleted too.

Because we cannot give what we do not have.

In TCM, our Kidney Qi can be thought of as our body’s savings account. If we constantly keep withdrawing without making deposits through rest, nourishment, and recovery, eventually the reserves begin to run low. We can only continue giving when we are also allowing ourselves to be nourished.

Keep in mind:

The relationship you have with yourself quietly becomes the blueprint for every relationship around you.

٩(●˙▽˙●)۶ Small ways to choose yourself today

◠ Breathe.
Before checking your phone. Before answering emails. Before stepping out of your car. Give yourself a few slow breaths. Sixty seconds. The laundry can wait.

◠ Leave a little blank space in your calendar.
On purpose. Not every empty space needs to be filled. Sometimes your body needs room to simply exist.

◠ Write one line.
Just one. Your thoughts do not all need to live inside your head rent free.

◠ Drink your water.
Coffee, tea, and juice are wonderful. Unfortunately… they are still not water. I’m sorry.

◠ Sleep.
And if you’re a parent reading this and your baby finally fell asleep, please hear me: DO NOT suddenly decide this is your opportunity to deep clean the house. The dishes can survive. You deserve rest too!

Before you go

Some days you’ll forget your water bottle. Some days you’ll skip the journal. Some days you’ll say yes when your body quietly wants to say no.

That’s okay too.

Choosing yourself isn’t one big decision. It isn’t a completely black and white, 0 or 1 situation. So please don’t feel defeated when things go sideways here and there, or when life happens, and unexpected things come up. It’s hundreds of tiny decisions, repeated over and over again, especially on the hard days. Because the people who love you do not need the exhausted version of you running on empty.

They want you.

The rested you. The breathing you. The nourished you. The version of you that still remembers yourself and liveing your true colour.

Because perhaps choosing yourself was never about choosing between yourself and the people you love.Perhaps choosing yourself was choosing them too.

Self love is one of the highest forms of love. When we care for ourselves first, we are preparing the healthiest and most whole version of ourselves for everyone we love, and everyone who loves us.